you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
