i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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