I want to have your abortion
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
