Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
