I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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