I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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