and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
