Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
