here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
