That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
