oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
