My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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