k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
