he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Pooping to opera.
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