So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
