So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
