She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
