I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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