Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
