yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
