the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
