im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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