god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
