you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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