hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Alive.
So much puke
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
whose parrot is this?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
