please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
