tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
