So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
In other news, I just burned my penis
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
