what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
