Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
