no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
