The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
