I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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