did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
