nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
