As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
