the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Is it penis luge time yet?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
