So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
