did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
