also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
