The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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