There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
third nipple confirmed
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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