OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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