I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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