i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
