If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
