remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
