The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
