No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
