I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
