Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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