My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
