One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
